Have you ever been inspired by inauthentic people who play small and dim their light? (probably not…)
When we play small and avoid being too much, we are trying to bury part of ourselves, and that’s where the lack of belonging originates. Not only that, but as we bury our talents or dreams or characteristics, they leak out in spurts anyway. It’s just not always in a way that is intentional or even helpful. What we give energy to grows. What we try to push down builds up pressure and creates an uncontrolled explosion. What we get to do instead is to OWN our too much traits and stories – so they don’t own us. So they don’t create the very results we were trying to avoid in the first place.
As we explore what it means to reclaim our “too much-ness,” we can get curious about how we let other people's stories and standards determine how we show up, or DON'T show up - cause that's part of it too.
Maybe you try to tame your emotions at work because being "too emotional" is not what “corporate culture” looks like. Maybe you say “No” to exploring an opportunity to sing on stage because you're scared people will think you're egotistical (that was mine for a loooooong time).
Whatever it is, someone else (or our culture) fed you a story about what you needed to tone down, tamp down, or straight up hide about yourself and it's taking you out of your power.
Understand this: "too much-ness" is a projection of other people’s stories of playing small onto you. It's a projection of their failures, fears, and attachment to society’s expectations about who they are supposed to be. It’s not about you. Stop making it mean something about you.
If you've been with me for a while, you know it's been over 2 years of learning to reclaim my own too muchness. When I hit my wall towards the end of my real estate career, I pivoted hard.
I hired new coaches, reading like a madwoman, and found myself shoulder-deep studying the Enneagram. I was learning to take my power back by identifying and leaning into my strengths and superpowers.
I was learning to OWN myself. ALL OF MYSELF. I finally embraced who I was created to be and stepped into being unapologetically me. It was like I had lived my life in a cage and now the tiger was out.
As I'm reflecting, it's clear to me that my life now is a direct result of learning to be more and more unapologetic. It's also clear that this is ongoing work to keep outside stories out. Otherwise I'll drift back to my people-pleasing patterns (thanks a lot societal conditioning).
It's also a BECOMING. This whole #betoomuch thing is a choice - a choice about whether you'll use your God-given gifts and be fully YOU or if you'll waste them by being who others tell you to be.
You get to decide whether you're going to step up for the people who need you to be powerfully and authentically you or not.
THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IN YOUR "TOO MUCH-NESS"!
But you have to choose it.
You have to choose to stop playing small and start shining your too much light.
When I look at playing small or hiding my light, accommodating others or avoiding conflict and rejection, and all the behaviors that showed up when I was avoiding my own too-muchness, I realize that my way of DOING led to my way of BEING. And this is true for you too. Your way of doing has led to your way of being. That is a self-responsibility moment because the only way to reclaim your too-muchness is to understand that YOU CREATED IT. YOU HAVE ALLOWED THESE STORIES TO PERSIST. And that is AMAZING! It means that you have the POWER to choose to do differently and hence, BE differently.
I want to remind you that whatever you think is “too much” about you can be expressed in a healthy and productive way. In fact, whatever that character trait is that you've been hiding away is actually REQUIRED for you to live your purpose. It's been placed there.
The key is integrating it into who you are and allowing it to exist in a way that serves your authenticity and your calling.
(God put it there. Let Him use it.)
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Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12 ESV
Oh, and in case you're detail oriented and you're wondering why some paragraphs are italicized, let me tell you...I am writing a book! And those italicized sections are actually little sneak peeks from my book! If you like what you've read, I'd like to invite you to join the pre-sale list here!