You want transformation. You have a nagging sense that there is “more” for your life than what you’re experiencing. That God is calling you to something bigger. And yet… you’re stuck. Those old reliable voices in your head keep yapping and telling you that you’re not enough and you can’t achieve what you feel exists for you. You’re not smart enough. Capable enough. Committed enough. You haven’t achieved enough and you don’t know how to get there. They want you to stay put.
There is that “something” deep within you that desires to be better, but every time you attempt to change and make that leap, there is that voice again. And when you push through that fear, then there’s another voice telling you that your effort wasn’t good enough. Seriously, if the fear of your ego and the pride of your inner critic could just simmer down for a few minutes, imagine the leaps forward you could take!
The “who God called us to be” voice is the one that is seeking transformation. It wants to tame the inner critic and break free of the patterns and habits that are holding you back. It wants to return to wholeness. But that voice is often so quiet compared to the fear-driven ego and inner critic. And trying to tame those loud overbearing voices is just plain exhausting.
And have you ever noticed that the more tired you become, the louder your inner critic seems to be? It’s almost like it feeds off the exhaustion it creates.
When we are in a state of exhaustion and overwhelm, our minds can feel like an unsafe space to be, especially when our own brains would rather “keep us safe” instead of peacefully accepting who we are and who God has created us to be. And that is a tricky place to be because we can gaslight ourselves out of growth.
It might sound something like this:
I’m so tired and overwhelmed that I don’t know where to begin to change it.
But I know this life I’m living isn’t mine. This isn’t what it was supposed to be like.
Life.
Work.
It’s someone else’s idea.
Someone else’s measure of “success”.
And I don’t want it, but I have a family to feed and a mortgage to pay.
I need to do my part, hold up my end of this life we built.
Plus, I have a lifestyle I don’t want to give up.
And what would they all think.
If they knew that everything they want and that I have… it doesn’t make me happy.
I should be more grateful than this…
I should be happy.
It should be enough.
When will it be enough?
What else would I even do? What else could I even be qualified for?
I’m good at this… they even think I’m great at it. Maybe I am great at it.
Maybe I should just stay put and push through this…
Maybe it’s depression or something…
Maybe something else is wrong…
I used to enjoy this, right?
Ugh, I’m too tired for this right now.
Who even has the time to figure this out…
Maybe next week I’ll think about it.”
Sound familiar? You’re not alone! I’ve been there.
This week I want you to just start getting curious and tuning into those voices. Can you start to tell them apart? What is God and what is ego? What are they saying to you? Who do you want guiding you?Ask God to help you pacify and nurture your ego and inner critic so that you can begin to hear Him more clearly and move toward the fired-up, fulfilled, and free life He calls you to?
Xoxo
Juli